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Those ripples keep going as the way we talk to others then affects them, and they in turn affect others in their surroundings, and so on.


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As an example, internally we often berate ourselves when we make mistakes or forget something. Reverse engineering, if we add a little consciousness to the mix, we can make an enormous difference in our external communications by how we talk to ourselves.

Look at motivation. Although we're born with our own primary processing center in its own way quite perfect external indoctrination sets up a hierarchy, and in the majority of cases puts your natural way down a notch or two. Either in rebellion or from a stronger sense of self, a faction of feelings-centric processing types will assert feelings over thinking in a different hierarchy.

Their rationale will usually invoke authenticity, presence, and a sense of unique identity. Three variables heart, brain, gut increase our possible combinations to nine hierarchies.

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Limitations or Resources How we regard aspects of ourselves in hierarchy; judging, rating, and so on, is also an extremely limiting belief system. It fragments us, rather than integrating us, and it sets up needless inner conflict, where cooperation would serve us better. We all have at least two of these processing centers naturally usually all three and they each take in different information. The free flow of that information without judgment from one part of you over another part offers you a fuller, richer experience. Your decisions can be better more informed and you can take action more easily, without the internal filibustering and power struggles.

The difference between these extremes of limitations or resources is entirely dependent on your beliefs. If you acknowledge each of your processing centers as taking in its own forms of information, all equally valid, you eliminate the internal conflict, and take in much more information. You fully use your own resources. Equal But Not Separate Another way to look at these different processing centers taking in and processing different information would be comparing them to light or sound. Emotional information, including empathy, feelings, and so on is processed differently than the logical, linear data our brains are equipped to process, not to mention devoid of the threat model analysis our Brain-First processing favors.

Margaret A. In this provocative book, Margaret Heffernan, former CEO and Fast Company contributor, fuses her own experience with that of hundreds of women to identify the biggest challenges and the best solutions that women face today. From VPs of Fortune companies to entrepreneurs to women just starting their careers, she traces the patterns and themes underlying women's power, choices, love, sex, money, and many other vital topics for working women.

The Naked Truth: A Working Woman's Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters

Without sugar-coating the facts, preaching, or oversimplifying, she offers solutions and shares the truth about the working world: women's choices are limited, you can't have it all, women do work differently from men and, yes, it is possible to find success amidst all of this and feel good about it. Dall'interno del libro.

Pagine selezionate Pagina del titolo. Men are still socialized to believe that their primary family obligation is to be the breadwinner; women, to believe that their primary family obligation is to be the caregiver.

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But it may be more than that. Men and women also seem to frame the choice differently. But Matalin goes on to describe her choice to leave in words that are again uncannily similar to the explanation I have given so many people since leaving the State Department:. To many men, however, the choice to spend more time with their children, instead of working long hours on issues that affect many lives, seems selfish. Male leaders are routinely praised for having sacrificed their personal life on the altar of public or corporate service. That sacrifice, of course, typically involves their family.

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Yet their children, too, are trained to value public service over private responsibility. It is not clear to me that this ethical framework makes sense for society. Why should we want leaders who fall short on personal responsibilities? Perhaps leaders who invested time in their own families would be more keenly aware of the toll their public choices—on issues from war to welfare—take on private lives. Regardless, it is clear which set of choices society values more today. Workers who put their careers first are typically rewarded; workers who choose their families are overlooked, disbelieved, or accused of unprofessionalism.

In sum, having a supportive mate may well be a necessary condition if women are to have it all, but it is not sufficient. If women feel deeply that turning down a promotion that would involve more travel, for instance, is the right thing to do, then they will continue to do that. Ultimately, it is society that must change, coming to value choices to put family ahead of work just as much as those to put work ahead of family.

If we really valued those choices, we would value the people who make them; if we valued the people who make them, we would do everything possible to hire and retain them; if we did everything possible to allow them to combine work and family equally over time, then the choices would get a lot easier.

The most important sequencing issue is when to have children. A child born when his mother is 25 will finish high school when his mother is 43, an age at which, with full-time immersion in a career, she still has plenty of time and energy for advancement. Yet this sequence has fallen out of favor with many high-potential women, and understandably so. People tend to marry later now, and anyway, if you have children earlier, you may have difficulty getting a graduate degree, a good first job, and opportunities for advancement in the crucial early years of your career.


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Making matters worse, you will also have less income while raising your children, and hence less ability to hire the help that can be indispensable to your juggling act. Unlike the pioneering women who entered the workforce after having children in the s, these women are competing with their younger selves. Government and NGO jobs are an option, but many careers are effectively closed off.

Personally, I have never seen a woman in her 40s enter the academic market successfully, or enter a law firm as a junior associate, Alicia Florrick of The Good Wife notwithstanding. These considerations are why so many career women of my generation chose to establish themselves in their careers first and have children in their mid-to-late 30s. But that raises the possibility of spending long, stressful years and a small fortune trying to have a baby.

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I lived that nightmare: for three years, beginning at age 35, I did everything possible to conceive and was frantic at the thought that I had simply left having a biological child until it was too late. And when everything does work out? I had my first child at 38 and counted myself blessed and my second at That means I will be 58 when both of my children are out of the house.

Many women of my generation have found themselves, in the prime of their careers, saying no to opportunities they once would have jumped at and hoping those chances come around again later. Given the way our work culture is oriented today, I recommend establishing yourself in your career first but still trying to have kids before you are 35—or else freeze your eggs, whether you are married or not. You may well be a more mature and less frustrated parent in your 30s or 40s; you are also more likely to have found a lasting life partner.

But the truth is, neither sequence is optimal, and both involve trade-offs that men do not have to make. You should be able to have a family if you want one—however and whenever your life circumstances allow—and still have the career you desire. If more women could strike this balance, more women would reach leadership positions.

And if more women were in leadership positions, they could make it easier for more women to stay in the workforce. The rest of this essay details how. Darman sometimes managed to convey the impression that he was the last one working in the Reagan White House by leaving his suit coat on his chair and his office light burning after he left for home.

Nothing captures the belief that more time equals more value better than the cult of billable hours afflicting large law firms across the country and providing exactly the wrong incentives for employees who hope to integrate work and family. Indeed, by some measures, the problem has gotten worse over time: a study by the Center for American Progress reports that nationwide, the share of all professionals—women and men—working more than 50 hours a week has increased since the late s. Pocharski observed:. I have worked very long hours and pulled plenty of all-nighters myself over the course of my career, including a few nights on my office couch during my two years in D.

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Being willing to put the time in when the job simply has to get done is rightfully a hallmark of a successful professional. But looking back, I have to admit that my assumption that I would stay late made me much less efficient over the course of the day than I might have been, and certainly less so than some of my colleagues, who managed to get the same amount of work done and go home at a decent hour. If Dick Darman had had a boss who clearly valued prioritization and time management, he might have found reason to turn out the lights and take his jacket home.

Long hours are one thing, and realistically, they are often unavoidable. But do they really need to be spent at the office? To be sure, being in the office some of the time is beneficial. In-person meetings can be far more efficient than phone or e-mail tag; trust and collegiality are much more easily built up around the same physical table; and spontaneous conversations often generate good ideas and lasting relationships.